So another weekly update. I had a whole week off last week from Uni, and didn't spend it very wisely, workwise. Lol

The weekend started off with Nat's stUn party on Saturday night. Let's just say it was a good and bad night for me. Crazy dancefloor, just the way I like it, but GOON is a no-go zone for trouble. Lol. Making mistakes is probably just a stage that all teens go through, and I'm kinda happy that I actually make them. You learn, grow and eventually look back and laugh at how retarded you were. Things that used to seem like a big deal back in like year9 are just a joke, and I'm guessing I'll look back in 5 years time and reminisce how mindless we were allowed to be. I just totally went off on a tangent there, but whatever, house parties rock. :)

It was Penny's 18th bash at Jubilee Park the next day. Had church and driving lessons before that, so rocked up at like 4 after taking a bus that Anton told me to take, which was the wrong one. Lol. Kelvin left the house when I was in the city, and managed to get to the park 2 minutes after me. Clap clap for the cow. Stayed for a bit, and waited until my beautiful birthday girl cut the cake, and the Asians all left. Me, Davo and Kelvin ended up going karaoke at LIVE for an hour, with bonus 25 minutes! WOOT. We love anything free! :)

So Monday came, and I managed to get almost everything done except Accounting readings. Lol. Visited Fort St on Wednesday, and ended up staying there for two whole periods. FORT ST LOVE. And the whole school is like, fenced up now. "It's to keep people out" - err, more like, to keep everyone in. But oh welps. I guess our grade brought an end to Fort St's corrupted reputation. People are actually dressed in uniform now. Haha. But the emo blondies in the junior grades are still wearing their black skinnies to school, so when they leave, it'll be a true sea of maroon. Had porchos after that, and went to Burwood for Step Up 2! Must say, twas a disappointment. No substantial hotties, and the dancing seemed kinda random. But oh welps. Trained it to the city, and went DANCEKOOL. Is Jaye cute or what? Totally brings motivation to dancing there on a regular basis. Haha, and the routines are mad too! So win win. :)

Caught a cold on Friday, so the rest of my week died out.

Uni started today, and I guess things are getting pretty routineful now. Quite neutral. Camp next weekend, then a COMSOC cruise on May 1st! Woot. Plenty of parties lined up at the end of April, so yay! Living while it lasts. :)

And I'm getting there. Just wait until it totally disappears.

Uni has been.. the same. But I feel less out of place now. I actually know where everything is, and can manage the lonerness. Actually, it's only at Micro lectures where I am loner. Must say though, Japanese is by far my favourite subject.

Managed to skip my first lecture of the week: Japanese. Haha. I was like 5 minutes late already, bumped into Eric on the way, continued on my little journey, then bump into Kelvin, and back onto the Quad I go. Haha. Spent like 2 hours with Eric, Leslie, Sha and Kelvin, so the first day was the biggest bludge. It's great that my breaks clash with everyone, or else I would seriously die.

Talked a bit more with the girls around me in my Japanese lecture, and made two friends Alexis and Linh in my Japanese Seminar. And there's a cute boy in my QMA tutorial, forgot his name, but he had a hot voice. He dresses kinda metro-ishly though. But oh welps, he sits across the room. Lol. Definitely potential eye candy. :)

I think me and Kelvin scared Betty and Karina with the Fort st stories we were telling from like 6pm to 7:30. Talking about everything from Hyok's pubes to Ms Kendall's milkshakes to the fifty billion other retarded crap Fort st got up to gave my stomach the biggest workout from all the laughter, and I went home a happy woman! :)

OH, and Law drinks was on yesterday. Haha. Got through the bouncers, since I got into the bar before they had security, but getting into the LAWSOC area wasn't as easy. Lined up with Leslie, Persis and Raymond? until they demanded we show our UNSW ID to prove we were law students. Mine obviously said COMM on it, so I got sent downstairs. I got snuggled back in afterwards, using Karina's ID, and met heaps of really friendly people up there. Bonnie was one of them, who told me to check out the guys in business suits because "they're not too bad looking. They should be in 4th year this year, which means, they're going to be rich next year. OOH" So I took my pick of probably the only asian, who didn't look too bad, and she showed me some Aussie dude in a blue and white striped shirt. Haha. That was good fun. Can't believe she's turning 20 next month, and is in first year Law. But oh welps, Sara said he's gonna chuck a party of her, and at least 3 people will show up. Haha! Law people are so much more approachable compared to Commerce people, bundled up in their little circles. Jack already warned me about that; I just never believed it. Gr. Left at 7:30, and took an all stops train with Leslie. Some good d&m'ing there :)

And it's broken now. After all these years, I've kept it in perfect condition, and just that one second of carelessness, it's broken. Tried fixing it, but fucked it up more. The piece that linked the whole thing together is missing now, so there's absolutely no way I can do anything to put it together again. I guess this is what it took, for me to realise I had to completely forget about it. Believe it, and leave it. I'm letting the head take over, and it's fucking hard.

Uni's all the same, and there's not much to it, besides what was written in my last entry. High school rocks :)

It was Daryl's 18th on Saturday night, which I crashed because of the ugly whoreface Emily. Well well well. My whole "never getting off my face again" plan failed miserably, with 6 drinks in my system. Totally not cool, and very embarassing. Took quite a few luvo shots with my camera, which so happened to fall into Daniel Kim's pocket and is with him at the moment, with Leslie and Emily, and it sucks that I can't bloody upload them. The night went by fairly quickly, and all I remember is screaming Elle MacPherson's name twenty billion times after realising Myan and Linh were wearing the same bra as me. Haha! YEAH! ELLE MCPHERSON! Photos should be up after I get my camera back.

Stomach churned the whole day on Sunday, and I conveniently had church the next morning. Lol. Service was quite okay, and then it was time to teach the little kiddies. I didn't do any games this week, because, didn't prepare anything. Lol. Lunched it with Amanda and Angie at BAGAN again, and had the good ol "hor fun" that Will gets every single time. Finished that, and went to Burwood so Amanda could get her bling belts. Lol. She settled on some white VonZipper belt from CityBeach. Walked around for a bit more, and I went for my driving lesson. I suck with hand and leg coordination. Once I concentrate on turning teh wheel, I forget to accelerate or brake or whatever, and instructor brakes for me. Oh, and the instructor's name is DIDDY WONG. Sick name or what? Went home, and continued with my momma. I can do like, 3point turns and U-turns! WOOT. Too bad she doesn't let me drive over 30km/h. I got to like 40km/h and she demanded I slow my ass back down. Grrr. But next week, I think I get to drive myself back home! :)

And it's all coming back again. Everything. Too bad there's so much shit between us that we can never have a decent or natural conversation anymore. Not in person, not online, not anywhere. It's like, I can't openly just be myself and say what I wanna say. I'm scared; scared that you'll take advantage of my feelings again, scared that it's gonna take me further in, when it's not the best idea in the world. Scared that, you'll do it all over again.

I'm gonna be an emo bitch, and rant all over this entry.

Yesterday was the first day of university, and it made me realise how much high school kicked ass. I miss everything about it: the teachers, the closeknit community of friends, the lunchtimes, the belltimes, the ease of finding your class, and always knowing that YOU ARE NOT LONER!
Thank god for Leslie during my first two 1hr breaks, or else I seriously would have collapsed. Japanese is my favourite subject at the moment, because I have my bitch Kelvin. Every other subject: full of fobs and normal looking asians in their little groups, wait, big groups. It's as if they all organised their timetables together, and enrolled into each others' lectures.
It's great how so many of the Fortians are at UNSW, but it's not the same. Even though probably half the grade is doing Commerce, I only coincidentally bumped into two people in ONE of my tutorials.
I miss getting on the train in the morning, with a bunch of people in our jerseys, looking dead as hell reading their notes or memorising essays, and then a whole bunch of people getting on at Strathfield. There was always so many people with you, so many people you knew, and now, I can't even find that one person in any lecture who I can say is my friend.
High school was and still is beautiful. I feel as though I didn't live it to the max though. Didn't take as many snapshots as I could have. I'm scared after a while I'll forget all the moments that were so memorable, that were so classic. With everyone so consumed in getting their readings done, sooner or later, whatever we all had in high school is going to just vanish.

And it's like, all those months that we worked on trying to find that feeling that tied us together in the first place is paying off after everything's over. Everything's coming back now, and I'm focusing on the good rather than the bad. Maybe I just need that someone to console in, and maybe at the moment, it would be real nice to have that someone I could just call when I'm feeling lonely.

And I should've known. Actually, I did know, but still gave you the benefit of the doubt. I'm happy to say you make up the smallest part of this little depression of mine, if not, you're not even part of it at all.

As you all can see, my layout is screwed to the max, but being the html-noob I am, it's not going to be fixed any time soon, until my ugly Davo is free to do it for me. Haha.

Yesterday was the MIXTAPE at UNSW. The day started off with me heading out at around 3:50, and getting to the city at like 4:20. Met up with Leslie and Emily, handed out a resume to U-Tech, and then headed off to Myer to return my Proxycard and to ask Tanya to be my reference. But to my surprise, she resigned just a day ago, and according to Jimmy, it's a long story. So the whole floor has no manager, how SWEET is that! I asked Jimmy if I could continue working then, since the bitch that hates me is gone, but he said the paperwork has unfortunately all gone through. He told me to apply again for Casual like, NOW, and he'd pick my name out if it goes to him. Let's hope it does. So finished everything in Myer, and we headed to Tonia's kitchen in the International Food Court under Myer, and I had my beautiful lasagne. Had a nice chat with the two whores, until we decided to go get changed for the danceparty.

Lol, we felt bad for Leslie if he had to wait for us to do our makeup and blah blah, so we decided to all go into the parents' room, which was like, SO NICE. There was a couch and a massive mirror with a toilet, and two "feeding rooms" that we used to change in. Random ladies walked in, but walked back out as soon as they saw us three, until an actual family came in and had to change their baby's diaper. The man "scoffed," as Leslie described it, when he saw us getting ready, and we all decided to leave. Lol, I had one eye with eyeliner and one eye without when we walked out, and Leslie the loser couldn't stop laughing at our embarrassment on Pitt St.

Met up with Brian (emily's cousin), and we headed up to the Hilton for me and Em to continue our unfinished business. The toilets there are like, crazily nice, but I guess that's what you get for a hotel. Finished that, waited around for a bit, and headed off to UNSW. We took the same bus as Emily's law friends from UTS, and met a chick called MABEL from Ruse. Can't believe someone has my mum's name, and I think I scared her when i said, ZOMG MY MUM'S CALLED MABEL.
Got to the Uni, and had to wait outside on the grand walkway for Bonnie and Phyllis to arrive. Brian came back out with only three over 18's bands, when we needed like, 5. The plan was for Thilo to get in, and come back out, and give Bonnie his band, but Phyllis was still screwed. So Leslie decided for him to go into the area first, and then someone goes to the under 18's area and fetch Phyllis in. That plan didn't happen until like, an hour after everything, which was like 9ish. But despite the agitation and frustration, all the wait for SO worth it, because the party was OFF THE HOOK. Bumped into so many people from Primary, and ex-Fortians, and the poker night boys, and family friends, and zomg randoms from everywhere. The music was great, even though I didn't know much of the house/electro/whatever music, but as soon as the RNB came on, I couldn't stop dancing. Definitely an awesome way to start uni, and I'm glad that I'm going UNSW now, since it's the "playground uni."

Left UNSW at 12:30, and ended up cabbing it back out to Town Hall with Chau and his friend, Jason. Night rided it to Burwood, and Jack drove Bonnie home, which meant I got home at 2:30, with my dogs barking like nuts. Gr. Woke up at like 8:30 this morning to the voice of my mum bitching in a not-so-loud voice to my dad about me getting home at 2:30 and going, "it's worse than when she went parties in high school." But as Jack says, parents are gonna have to get used to it. I stayed in bed til around 10ish, showered, and walked the dogs. Came home, and my mum had left to Cabramatta. She's still not home, but I'm dreading it. Fixed up my uni timetable this morning. Thank God I talked to Brian about my course; I realised I had chosen the wrong subject. Lol. Well, it aint wrong wrong, but it's not what I wanna do, and if I do it, I would've screwed my plans all over. So now, I'm still at uni 3 days a week, but Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Gr. Not too bad.

And the whole time, I was hoping you would miraculously show up. Don't know why. Don't know why I still fall for your "I'll think about it" statements, and I still wait, hopelessly. It's so stupid, and someone should just shoot me dead. Why can't you ever just say a definite yes or no, so I can properly respond in a way that does not make me a faggot.

Last time I blogged was Feb 23, and so much has happened since then. Well, not really. But I found out I had used $1500 in the two months that I had been working, and if I didn't use ANYTHING, I would have $2880 sitting in my bank account. But now, the numbers just keep shrinking, and it makes me sad.

Still unemployed, and haven't been looking. But I really should start. Uni is going to drain the hell out of my wallet with travel already taking up half of my weekly income that comes from piano teaching. So I'm pretty much screwed, unless I have zero social life and bring my own lunch, and sit in the library during my two hour breaks, I can pretty much save a little less than $20 a week. Yipee.

Highlights would have probably been beaching it with Bon and Leslie and karaokeing it up for two hours with my three bitches: Davo, Kelvin and Emily.
The beach was awesome fun. I got a sunglasses tan, had french toast for lunch, laughed at a fob that got a pretty big print on his ass, since he intelligently sat his wet ass down on the sand, and got a whole moon of sand on his rearside. Classic fun. It was so long since I had gone to the beach, and I kept getting pulled out of the flags, and had to swim against a rip. Total workout for my thighs, and I scored myself pain for the following two days. But totally worth it. And lol @ Leslie for parading his half naked body around the city when we returned from Maroubra Beach.

Emily and I also joined DanceKool for the first time on Monday night. That was hella fun. The dude that taught could adapt to so many styles. Saw him teaching a girls' hiphop group beforehand, and zomg, never in my life have I seen a MAN dance so sexually good. It was definitely a turnoff, but it sure looked good. When it came for him to teach US, it was like a totally different him, and all his moves were supersmooth. The group was small, so he went through the routines with us individually step by step. Truly a sweet guy. Saw Joseph pop in towards the end, and he was breaking on the side of the studio. The night ended at around 9:30, and my legs began to ache the next morning, and are STILL aching from ass to ankle. Crazy stuff; never knew how unfit I was. But hopefully dancing every week will whip me [s]back[/s] into shape

All the talk has been about uni. Some love it, some hate it. Davo and Bonnie don't seem to be so hyped up about it, which scares me, because they're probably the two people that I would've thought would most easily make friends. But oh welps. Went to O-WEEK yesterday and I gotta say, the people at UNSW aren't ALL fobs. Lol. I wanted to join the Dance society, but it costs $10 to join, and before that, you gotta join ARC, which is $149. So, $160 just to join a group that gets together weekly and just dances. Sounds tempting, but my asian side took over and gave it a pass. And since I have DanceKool, that's probably enough.

And you, conveniently popping back into my life again. Just after I thought I was over it, just when I was about to give something else a shot, you waltz back in and screw me over. It sucks how time just makes me forget about all the crap you've put me through after all these years and I somehow tell myself to think better of you, when I probably shouldn't. You keep pressing rewind and play, and I keep letting the same thing happen, when I could easily change things around. I hate how you have that affect on me, and I hate pretending like I don't know, when you and I both know things aren't as simple as it seems to be. And I hate how I still have that little speck of hope that this time, you'll make things different.