It's so hard to just find someone. Find someone you can totally be yourself with. Find someone who you can just talk to non-stop. Find someone who can make you laugh until you can't breathe. Find someone who feels the same way about you, as you do about them. Everyone around you makes it seem so easy, so easy to just find that other person who share the same connection, and just mesh. Even though life's hectic as it is, with uni, work and balancing it all with a social life with friends, a boyfriend probably isn't the most appropriate thing to be thinking about. And you just make it so hard. So hard to completely let myself go, and to let you go. I need to move on, but no matter how much I say it, no matter how much people say it, it's so hard. It's like there always was something, and I don't want to think otherwise, even though that might be the reality. Don't wanna believe it was because you were a douche, don't wanna believe you did it on purpose, don't wanna believe it didn't involve just a little bit of something extra, don't wanna accept that it's never going to happen again. Unhealthy, stupid, stubborn, dumb, I know. And it leaves me pathetically hoping for you to tell me it's not happening, and everything's still the same - that you're in the same situation as me, not bothering with randoms, not bothering with getting to know anyone, not bothering to let anyone in. As the girl that's crazy about you, that's how I feel. But as one of your closest friends, I'm happy you're moving on, moving on from the "not bothering" stage. Happy that you've found that someone, who I'm still trying to find. Happy that a girl can bring a smile to your face, and you can finally have that person to confide in. But I don't know if I can be that friend 24/7 around you. It still cuts to see that someone else brought you that smile, that someone else has you, that someone else so easily got you, that you so easily fell for her, that I can no longer hope something might happen. I lied to myself when I said being good friends was the best for me, lied when I said I was over never getting you. Truth is, I've been living in that moment, that moment where it seemed as though it was just the two of us, the moment when nothing else mattered, the moment when I could kid myself into thinking we were basically together. My reason for not being able to let you go a year ago was because I never got you. My reason for not being able to let you go now, is because I can't forget the moment that I had you.