Too many entries have been dedicated to you, so in straight blog style, I'll roll with the tradition, and give you these words. But I seriously hope this is the last time I'll have to let the thoughts unravel here.

How do I feel about you now? Hatred's probably the right word, but it doesn't define it all. Yes, I hate you and your lies. I hate how you made me believe in you for so long, but most of all I hate how I was stupid enough to give you all of me, and even thinking that I had you for a second, because I never did. You made it seem like I did, and I lived in that moment for way too long, not being able to snap out of it. And now that I have, it hurts more than ever. It's scary how I never saw through it before, but I'm glad to say my brain's taking over now. But the thing is, I still care about you. I always check my msn list to see if you're online, and if there is ever a missed call, I can sit there forever wondering what it was about. Pathetic, dumb, yes indeedy.

But whatever. Thinking about this makes up the least of my day. Mum's been giving me crap almost every day. "There's no substance in your life. All you think about is having fun, living your life, you've got no responsibility.. you have no life." I hate to admit it, but she kinda has a point, and it's got me thinking, is the partying every Saturday night really all that? Is drinking, clubbing, dancing really that fun? Dancing is my passion, but every week is getting quite tiresome, and you can't please everybody. Maybe I should quiet back down, spend some Saturday nights at home, and re-prioritise. We'll see how long I stick to that.

It's funny how the important people in life, who you once thought meant so much to you, end up disappearing, or you end up realising that they're not who they once were, or who they once seemed to be. I guess I finally see through all your bulshit, all the lies, all the sugar coated excuses. I finally see you really are the douche everyone says you are, and finally see that you're not worth the time. But I'm still stuck here, hating you, but unable to lose you in my life. I love every single one of our friends, and I miss every single one of them, but I don't miss you. I don't want to see you, and yet I have to. I don't want to laugh at your jokes, don't want to pretend I don't hate you, when I really wanna squeeze the living life out of you. But at the same time, I can't see myself being any different than this. I've always been like this with you, and that's probably the way it'll always be. But whatever "friendship" we have, it means jackall, to you, to me. I'm nowhere near as close as I thought we were, so I'm not going to treat you like I do to the others. We'll keep smiling, talking like nothing's ever happened, but just know, I'm not that dumb bitch anymore.

And you. We were once tighter than gladwrap. We talked about everything together, absolutely everything. Happy or down, we would share what was going in our minds, maybe not daily, but certainly not annually. I don't know you anymore. You've become this distant clown, who puts on a happy face, and enthusiastic tone when you see us, but that's all on the surface. Take the makeup off, and you'll be the next stranger. It once used to be four of us, and now, it's only three, and it won't be four again. Can't say ever, because I still have a hope that one day, we'll be best friends again, but that day won't come, until you and him are over. I hope you realise all the people who have been there for you are now all fed up with your empty calls, and your name no longer brings smiles to our faces. People always said, you drift from high school friends, there's only a few you really keep in touch with, the others, you'll see them, and it'll be a friendly smile and a casual "how's it going?" I always thought you would be part of the few I kept in touch with, and I would've never thought I'd have to be fake to you. But that's exactly the way it is, and I don't wanna sink down to that, because you do mean more than that to me. So until you're ready to greet me with the real you, don't bother saying anything to me.